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This Gloriously Ironic Candy Actually Prevents Cavities

Sugar is poison, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t goddamn delicious. It’s making us fat, rendering us tired and lazy, and rotting our teeth out, but we don’t really seem to give a shit. Despite the frequent assertions of health experts that we’re all gonna die obese and toothless if we continue face-piling gummy worms like there’s no tomorrow, we continue on our trajectory of living in a real-life Candyland, where every bodega and grocery store tempts us with endless varieties of gum, chocolate, and fruity corn-syrup pellets every time we hit the checkout stand.

Lo and behold, the wonders of science may have a solution to your inability to quit sugar but fear of high dental bills. Behold the advent of Loloz, a new candy brand that claims to implement Cavibloc technology that minimizes or even reverses the negative dental effects that candy is known to have.

READ: UK Scientists Say that Fluoridated Water Makes You Fat and Depressed
See, candy is bad for your teeth not because of the sugar itself, but because of what sugar does to your saliva. Basically, bacteria loves to bask in an acidic environment—namely, that created by your spit when it’s mixed with all of the crystals that have come off a Sour Patch Kid or what have you. That acidic environment is what allows bad flora to thrive and leads to decay.

But the secret to a tooth-friendly candy isn’t in crazy chemicals—it’s actually from Mother Earth. In the development of Loloz, a doctor from UCLA studied roughly 2,000 different herbs and other natural substances to deduce their beneficial properties, and found that the humble licorice root has strong antibacterial and antimicrobial properties that make it the perfect pick for the product.

Sam Dyer, the founder of the company, purchased his formula and not uses it in the brand’s lollipops and other treats, which Dyer tells KATU are the “world’s first antibacterial, antimicrobial candy.”

The Loloz site features multiple testimonials from dentists who vouch that they really do have the ability to prevent and even reverse tooth decay, but Dyer notes that users should eat at least two of the candies per day for ten days straight. At that point, the effects of Loloz—and their cavity-fighting powers—can actually continue for up to six months.

But if they actually taste good, you’ll probably want to eat them a lot more often than that. Now excuse us while we go eat an entire jar of gummy vitamins.